Weeks 24 to IDK: Of triumph and disaster, mostly disaster
And treating the two imposters just the same
2 min readSep 18, 2022
- I got COVID a few weeks ago. It sucked. Thankfully I was at my sister’s when the symptoms kicked in, so I had someone to baby me. I need to be babied when sick. I have no emotional or mental resilience in such times, and sorely missed my mother.
- I recovered swiftly, and was enthusiastic about getting back to work. But my body and brain were not. After a hiccup or two, a downward spiral began and I‘m still working my way out of it.
- The first few weeks I was acutely and painfully aware of my struggles. Things about craft, focus, and communication that I had successfully navigated in the last few months seemed to be unravelling. It was frustrating and anxiety inducing. But I had solid support and conversations from folks at work that kept me afloat (s/o to Aarti, Vishwanath, and Satabdi), and at home that kept me grounded (s/o to Mitali and Ashritha).
- Now that I was aware of how I was clearly not the same person, with the same abilities, I decided to put aside the constant undercurrent thought of my “shortcomings” and simply focus on doing — a tiny but reminder from Anshuman. The doing can be smaller and slower than I expect of myself, but as long as I’m not paralysed by my own mind, as long as I’m able to break out of that ennui every morning (and after lunch), as long as I’m in motion, I think I’ll get back on track.
- Some good things have been happening as well of course, as I kept seeking inspiration and play. I made some really cool new friends, and caught up with some comfortable old ones. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and went for a basketball session that left me sore and overexerted. I went bowling and scored by first 100. I picked up my gouache paints after more than a year. I took a mini-vacation to Munnar — where I’m currently writing from — and have been lazing around mostly. I finished reading The Thursday Murder Club, and The Song of Achilles (best experienced when read to the soundtracks from The King, as suggested by Imran) — reviews in links.
- Cool, going to now head out to my gorgeous balcony and do my Waking Up meditation.
